Saturday, 28 January 2017

FEMINIST AS FUCK.

Feminism; the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes. That's the definition of that terrible "F" word that thousands upon thousands of people are terrified of because it leads to the possibility that women might just be boss ass bitches. That we could all have the same opportunities, the same pay, the same everything. In the past three months there's been a lot to think about and in the past week there's been even more. It's been difficult to explain how I feel, I've come to write this blog post multiple times in the last week and I haven't known what to say but I've realised that there's never going to be enough words to express my upset and anger and determination. I can however try to explain how I feel and how other people are feeling so that's what I'm doing.


The morning after the election America fell silent, the world fell silent. It was as if we'd stepped into this parallel universe and no one quite knew where to stand or what to do or what to say. Everyone felt empty, as if a part of their lives had been ripped from their minds, hearts and souls. There was this deafening silence, even though everyone was talking about what had happened, there was just this deafening silence that didn't seem to go away. For the past three months I think we've all been in shock. It's been as if we've been waiting for someone to come and pinch us and we would've woken up with progress but it never happened. Our eyes were left wide, red and swollen at the realisation as to what was going to happen. We felt like throwing up, we felt disappointed, we felt lonely. We were fearful for our lives, and the lives of others.


Then the anger came. We were angry at ourselves, we were angry at the 53% of white women, we were angry at the Democratic party, we were so angry and there was no way of explaining just how angry we were. Our anger grew because of what had happened, it grew because of tweets, it grew because of TIME Magazine's Person of the Year. It almost seemed ridiculous that we were angry at a misogynistic, racist, sexist, bigoted, orange-faced liar in the sense that it seemed as if a person like that could actually exist and a person like that was actually going to run the most powerful country in the world. It just kept growing and growing and growing until it overflowed and we realised, not just women, but humanity realised we had to, we needed to fight back. We had to fight back for ourselves, our mothers before us and our future daughters.


Friday 20th January 2017 came around and humanity stood again but not silent. We stood stronger, sharing tears but realising that this wasn't the end, we were going to fight back against a misogynistic, racist, sexist, bigoted, orange-faced liar and no matter what happened we were going to fight back hard. Whether it was through social media or showing up and speaking up we were going to become a force to be reckoned with bigger and stronger than any other force that had decided to fight back against the patriarchy.  


Saturday 21st January 2017. Seven Continents. 60+ Countries. 5M+ People Total. Women's March spread throughout the world and we came out in our thousands. Women, men and children walked alongside one another in solidarity for the women who are terrified for what is going to happen to their rights but that didn't matter in that moment. What mattered is that people showed up to tell the US Government that we weren't going away quietly and we were and are going to fight with every single ounce of our beings. Endless signs showed that, they showed our anger and determination. Though people said our efforts failed I don't think they realised what we were marching for, we weren't marching for everything to change right there and then, we were marching to show that whatever Trump and his cabinet decided to throw at us that we weren't going to accept it willingly, there was always and is always going to be someone for them to fight against. It was to show that we weren't a forgotten group. It was to show WE MATTER.



So where do we go from here? Eight days after the Inauguration. Seven days after the Women's March. The rights on what we do with our bodies has already started to be taken away from us and that does make this all a lot more real now. This is reality; for the next four years this is how we're going to live. We're going to live in a constant battle but we're not going to be alone. Turn to your left or your right and no matter whether your sat next to a man or woman, old or young, black or white, gay or straight, their is a feminist less than a foot away from you and that's what we need to remember. We are not a minority, we are the majority. 

I am #FeministAsFuck and Proud.

Friday, 27 January 2017

A MIXTAPE FOR JANUARY.

Music; an element of life that brings people of different backgrounds together for the better. It's something that I rely on heavily with waiting at bus stops and all. I listen to music every day and don't think that I could survive without it. I thought that today I'd share with you a small selection of the songs that I've been loving throughout the month of January. 



In My Dreams - Ruth B
Castle On A Hill - Ed Sheeran
Take A Break - Hamilton (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
Yellow - Coldplay
Paradise City - Guns N' Roses
Sugar Daddy - Hedwig And The Angry Inch
I Predict A Riot - Kaiser Chiefs
Big Girls Don't Cry - GLEE
Gods & Monsters - Lana Del Rey
Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Lorde
Shake It Off - Taylor Swift
Perfect Illusion - Lady Gaga
Say No To This - Hamilton (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
Roar - Katy Perry
Year 3000 - Busted
Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith
Fix You - Coldplay
Delilah - Florence + The Machine
The Sound - The 1975
She's So Lovely - Scouting For Girls
Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story - Hamilton (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor - Arctic Monkey
Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses
Reach - S Club 7
Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects
Everybody Wants To Rule The World - GLEE
Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine
You and I - Ingrid Michaelson
Flourescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys
Born to Die - Lana Del Rey
High - Zella Day
Annie: The Broadway Musical Sountrack
All Night - The Vamps & Matoma
Stone Cold - Demi Lovato
Dead Girl Walking - Heathers: The Musical
Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys

Saturday, 21 January 2017

WHERE I'M AT WITH MY BODY CONFIDENCE.

So if there's one thing that I'd like to say that I'm an advocate of here on my blog it's body confidence. I feel as if over the two years that I've had this blog that I've discussed weight problems, body image, self consciousness and body confidence a lot but I never feel as if it's enough. I think that if I just talked about body confidence once and then put it aside in a corner of my blog then it would get forgotten about but revisiting the subject I think has helped cement in my mind the idea of body confidence and body image and why it's so important to me. All I wanted to do today was discuss where I'm personally at with my body confidence because I think when one person discusses how they feel that it makes it a lot easier for others to talk about how they're feeling.



Body confidence and body image is something that I've always struggled with, I know everyone says that, but I think my relationship with body confidence and body image is slightly different to what the typical person has. When I was younger, before I hit the teenage years, I was relatively thin - my family commented on it quite a lot, not just my close knit family but also my extended family whenever I'd go to family parties. At the time when I was eight, nine and ten I don't think I realised how much it affected me until a certain comment was made once by a family member and I can remember the comment vividly. 

I was sat in a family members house and they turned to my mum and said, "Chloe looks a bit bigger than she did last time, she looks different in that shirt." It was one of those moments that I now realised when that seed of self consciousness was planted in my mind for the simple fact that a family member had made that comment. I also remember that I was wearing my favourite shirt which was a tartan red, button down shirt which tied at the bottom and had no sleeves, when we got back home from that trip I threw that shirt out because I couldn't stand the idea that if a family member had said that, I didn't know what everyone else was saying. 

However, I don't think it was until I entered my teenage years that I realised that what I did was because I was self conscious in my own body and realised that my body was changing in a way I didn't want it; my hips were getting bigger, I was getting boobs, I had a waist. I thought I was going to be happy with all of this, I'd finally feel like a grown up, but it only added to my self conscious thoughts about my body image. Knowing that I wasn't as thin as I used to be was a really big issue that I had to try and deal with, and it wasn't easy by a long stretch. I think the moment I realised I had to stop 'hating my body' if that's the right wording for it was when I was sat with my friends in the music room at lunch was and I was staring at my friends thinking 'I wish I could be as thin as they were' but then one of them said that they wished that they had my figure instead of being stick thin, they wished that they had a waist and an hourglass figure. That's when I realised that enough was enough. As much as I might have wanted to be thinner again there were people who wanted to look like I did.



Social Media is something that has had a massive affect on how I viewed and now view my body. With exercise, thigh gaps, stick thin models being shoved down my throat I really think that I got a twisted view on how I had to look. Social standards made me think the only way I could be successful was to be stick thin and tall, and that just wasn't and still isn't me. It never will be. I think there needs to be a change in social media to help promote people, not just girls, but people of all sizes and shapes because even though top magazines like Vogue and Cosmopolitan might not view people as 'beautiful' if they're not six foot tall and thin but the reality is that no one looks like that, not even models. 

Over the past two years I've really become an advocate of being comfortable in your own skin. After an injury I had which landed me on crutches for ten months or so and having everyone stare at me and talk about me I realised that it didn't matter what other people thought, as long as I was happy that was all that mattered. I'm not saying it's been easy, there have definitely been moments where I've hated my body, especially when I started Sixth Form and everyone seemed to be so much thinner than me, but I think working through those has really helped me with my confidence. I think clothing has really helped me with my confidence. For a long time period I stuck with what I knew I looked okay in but over the past six months I've really started experimenting with what I wear because I've realised that if I feel confident in what I'm wearing then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says.

I still have moments of if I eat healthily and go to the gym then I'll get the body I really want but then I remember that I'm not that person who eats healthily or enjoys going to the gym, I have the appetite of a three-year-old and I think going to the gym would make me feel more self conscious compared to doing anything else. Taking charge of your own body and being able to stand in front of a mirror in your underwear and being able to say 'This is me and I'm happy with what I look like and that's all that matters' then you've done it. You've been able to overcome the backhanded comments and whisperings from your family, the stares of strangers or people in your year group when you wear something that they don't think looks right on you, and most importantly you've been able to overcome your own private thoughts about yourself.



Recently my friend asked me to do a photo shoot in order to help her with her art project for A Level and for the projections she wanted to do she told me that I had to stand in a classroom at school in my underwear. At first when she mentioned the idea I was so self conscious but I agreed to it because she's one of my best friends and I'd do anything for her. When the day of the shoot came I felt physically sick, I thought she wasn't going to like the photos because of how I looked etc., however, once she started taking the photos my confidence grew and she told me genuinely loved the photos. Upon seeing them I fell in love with them and the girl who was in the photos, this confident kick-ass girl and for the past couple of weeks I've really carried her close to my heart. At first I was just going to keep the photos to myself but because I felt so confident in my own body I've put a couple in here.

So what do I want to come from this blog post? That's a good question. I know that this blog post has sounded awfully braggy but that's not how I've meant it to sound. I wanted you to know that if you're suffering with body confidence and body image issues that you're not alone. It might be hard sometimes to really feel amazing in your own body but I can assure you that you're amazing, no matter how you look because you're kick-ass and as long as you feel confident then it doesn't matter. Also, don't forget that the celebrity you think looks perfect probably has days like you do, so don't think that they're any different to you. 


Wednesday, 18 January 2017

THE A TO Z OF ME.

I saw this blog post on Steph Louise's blog and immediately loved it. The basic idea of 'THE A TO Z OF ME' blog post is that you list the alphabet and then match one word to every letter along with a little fact to go with it. I feel as if I've not really opened up to all of you on my blog but we're going to change that today with this blog post. I'm quite excited for you all to read this blog post so I think we should just get straight into it!



A - Author - my dream job
B - Blogging - one of the most stressful but amazing things that I've ever done
C - Christmas - my most favourite time of the year!
D - DiCaprio - the greatest love of my life, Leonardo DiCaprio
E - English - what most of my life is taken up with, I do both Literature and Language as A Levels
F - Fashion - how do people look fashionable on the daily, I'm sat in a baggy shirt and leggings
G - Gaga - I'm a Little Monster and proud, Gaga is literally such a big inspiration of mine
H - Hamilton - just pure genius, I love it! Along with all other musicals, I'm a musicals junkie!
I - Ireland - one of my favourite places on earth
J - Jace - of the Herondale variety. I'm a massive Mortal Instruments fan, I love those books so much!
K - Katie - one of my best friends in the whole entire world
L - Luhrmann - Of the Baz variety, I think his directing skills are works of pure brilliance and beauty
M - McDreamy - Yep, Patrick Dempsey. Grey's Anatomy is one of my favourite shows EVER!
N - Needles - I hate them, genuinely I have a panic attack whenever I see one - I have trypanophobia
O - O.J. - one of my favourite shows last year, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
P - Penguins - I'm so frickin' obsessed with them, they're just so cute!
Q - Queen - I have to many Queens to name, I could make a separate blog post about them
R - Reading - a great passion in my life, if I could read all day I would
S - Sixth Form - the biggest bane of my life currently
T - Travel - something I love and want to do so much more of
U - University - something that I've started looking at, and I'm slightly terrified
V - Venice - I'd love to take my mum here one day
W - Wales - where I was born, Cardiff to be exact
X - Xenophobia - I mean why is this even a thing? Can't equality just be a thing?
Y - Yourself - what I'm all about in 2017 and will hopefully carry into years to come
Z - Zen - something I would love to be all the time

So there it is, THE A TO Z OF ME, do you guys feel as if you know me slightly better now? The alphabet doesn't make it easy to create a list of facts about yourself, I mean X, Y and Z, who can even come up with facts for those? I did though, kind of. I want to know all about you now. If you've done a blog post like this level the link in a comment and if not I challenge you to do this, it's not as easy as it seems. Thank you to Steph again for giving me the idea to write this blog post. Hope you enjoyed!


Saturday, 14 January 2017

2017 GOALS.

New Year Resolutions; a promise that you make to yourself to start doing something good or stop doing something bad on the first day of the year. New Year Resolutions; a promise that gets kept for about a month and a half before falling off the bandwagon and completely giving up on the whole idea. I have been a great believer in New Years Resolutions but it seems that I have a tradition to uphold where I fail miserably at them. This year I've decided that instead of making resolutions that I will inevitably fail at that I'm going to set five personal goals that I think are relatively easy, or at least should be, to complete. Some of them might seem less important than others but they're all quite important for me to try and achieve this year.


A Year Of Self Love.
Definitely not what you think this is. So basically what this means is that I'm going to take my people pleasing, selfless ass and become an absolute boss ass bitch doing whatever the hell I want. Okay, that sounded a bit full on but you all get what I mean, right? If you don't what I basically mean is that I'm going to stop trying to do what other people want me to do and actually do what I want to do, no matter whether I have people's approval or not. If that means buying a dress that not everyone loves or going on an unplanned trip without telling everyone then I'm going to do it. I think self-care is something, possibly the main thing, that I really want to focus on this year. I always feel like I slightly neglect myself for others and that's not an okay thing, I mean I found that out last year definitely and I'm done with it so a year of self-love it is.

Get Outside.
I spend 90% of my life on the Internet. Even as I write this blog post I'm on the Internet. Whether it be for school or leisure I always seem to be on the Internet which probably isn't the best thing ever. If you saw my blog post a couple of weeks back entitled "A WALK INTO WINTER" then you'll know that I went for a walk in the park to take some photos for my little sister's Art GCSE and it then turned into a photo shoot for my blog. Anyway, I genuinely loved that day so much just for the simple fact that I got out the house and had no Internet to bother me. This year whether it be having a walk in the park, or having a fun day out with friends I want to get outside more and document it even if I don't upload it anywhere.

Get The Cat Down To A Tee.
This might sound like one of the strangest goals ever but trust me it makes sense. Just sit back and let me explain. As you all probably know, I'm a fan of makeup but one thing that I've been unable to do forever which I've always wanted to do is to do a winged eyeliner or just eyeliner in general. I've mastered the waterline and tight line when doing eyeliner put I just can't for the life of me do winged eyeliner. This year, after receiving some tips off of my best friend, I am determined to ace the cat eye without any trouble. How hard can it be right? *laughs nervously*

Pass My Driving Test.
I turn 17 in a month and two weeks which kind of terrifies me because soon I'm going to have to start doing adult things like look at universities. However, there's one thing that I want to really do this year which is slightly adult-ish and that's learning to drive and pass my driving test. I'm hoping to pass first time if all goes to plan. I'm quite an independent person and if I'm able to drive I think that'll just really help me feel like I can actually do stuff for myself. Is that how everyone feels when they pass their driving test? Yes? No? Who knows? But anyone that's one of my main goals for this year, so hopefully it'll work out.

Don't Promise To Work Out.
So I feel as if this might seem like a bit of an odd goal to achieve in 2017 seeing as at the start of a new year nearly everyone says that their New Year Resolution is to lose weight. I make this resolution every single year and I fail every single year so instead this year I've set the goal that I'm not going to focus on losing weight and I'm not particularly going to watch what I eat. If I want to order in a Domino's then I'm going to order in a Domino's and I'm not going to hate myself for it.


There they are, my five goals instead of resolutions for 2017. What I want to know from all of you is whether you set resolutions and then fail miserably or do you set goals like I have this year? If you make resolutions or goals what are they this year? I always find it really interesting to see what other people have set as their resolutions or goals for the year. I love you all and together let's kick 2017's ass, to make it the BEST YEAR EVER!

Friday, 13 January 2017

A LETTER TO 2016.

Dear 2016,

Hi. It's not been that long. Even though know that we can never see each other again, I needed some closure. I thought we could reflect with one another and even though I know that you can't reply to me maybe listening won't be too bad? You've had the shining role in our relationship so maybe me expressing what I've got to say about our relationship isn't such a bad idea. We've been through a lot together. I've got a lot of reasons to thank you but I've also got a lot of reasons as to why I want to punch you in the face. You've made me share tears of joy and tears of sadness, a lot more sadness than I had expected. I've been angry, disgusted, fearful because of you, along with a whole host of other emotions. There are aspects of our relationship that I'd love to, no desperately wish that I could change but know that I can't. However, what I can do is learn and hopefully, just maybe make the year that 2017 and I have together just the slightest bit better.



I'm going to be blunt with you 2016, you were utter shit. I'm pretty sure that you hit a new level of shit. You caused so much heartbreak, pain and tears for so many people it was unbelievable but you also joined a lot of people whether it be through anger, upset or joy, you brought them together. You took too many people away; Bowie, Rickman, Michael, Ali, Yelchin, Marshall, Wilder, Reynolds, Reagan, Wood, Prince, Fisher, and a long list of others that caused so much pain that it was unbelievable. The majority of the world was shaken to the core because of politics; Brexit, Trump, terrorist attacks and more. The world stopped a lot this year, not literally but metaphorically, we all froze as you took people, took freedom, took safety. You weren't kind 2016 and as much as I'd love to forgive you, I don't think that I can for all the pain.





You weren't all bad. We had a lot of good memories together 2016, actually, we had some amazing memories together, some of the best that I've ever made! Les Misérables. My 16th Birthday. Collabro. Leaving High School. FakeFest. Prom. Passing my GCSE's. Starting Sixth Form. The Lion King. I've met some absolutely amazing people, to be honest, I don't think I could survive without half the people I've met or become closer with this year. There were a lot of downs personally; heartache, tears and adjustments but I'd take those things any day for all the amazing things we did together this year.




As we break up and I move onto 2017 I've realised what I can take from our relationship to try and make my relationship with 2017 better than ours was; I'm a boss ass bitch and doing what I want is the most important. That might sound big-headed or egotistical but I really don't care. I'm a people pleaser, I tried to please you 2016 as much as possible and to be completely honest with you it didn't do me any good; I think I let you walk over me more times that I stood up to you but that's not how it's going to be with 2017. I want to be able to do what I want and when I want it, I want to make memories that I actually want to make - not ones that you've forced me to make. I want to take little trips to visit people I love and to see things I've not seen before or to revisit my favourite places. I want to learn a new skill. I want to do all of these things and I truly believe that 2017 will let me do all of this. We were okay 2016 but I think mine and 2017's relationship will be better. I'm hopeful.





Thank you for everything 2016, you were good to me but I think 2017 will be better. You taught me a lot about myself, you made me realise what I really want and I'll forever be grateful for that.

Love,
A new boss ass bitch you created, Chloe